But what about those people who are constant complainers?? Who never seem to be happy with anything in life? Have you ever been in the company of a person who goes on and on about how miserable their life is?? Are you such a person? To be honest with you all, I have been a person like that until my high school.
In a TRADITIONAL Indian household you are bound to be tangled with hell a lot of problems: In-law problems, ego problems, dowry problems, male chauvinism, poking nose into what others are doing, showing off to offend people etc. etc. etc. Not one day would pass where you wouldn’t go through at least one of these…
I have gone through and seen others going through some of these and very well understand how it affects a family. Each individual have different way of reacting to a problem. Either you get tensed or angry or just ignore it.
The biggest lesson I have learnt in life from my best friend is about attitude. She told me there is nothing you can do about what happens in your life which is beyond your control. You can wail, bang your head on the wall and complain non-stop but that wouldn’t change the things that has to happen. If you can change something, it is your reaction to these problems. You can choose how you want to react to everything; nobody can control you there except yourself.
Bad things happen to everyone. That is the whole point about life. Nothing goes on smoothly forever. But it is in our hands to decide whether to be thankful for what you have and move forward happily or get stuck concentrating on the bad stuff and make life even miserable.
I was a very moody and angry type person and it was hard, very hard to change my negative attitude to things but nothing is impossible if you try. I tried with all my might and I am what I am today because of those changes. And I am happy with the improvements it has made in my life. I have faced even worse problems after my school days but because I had learned to stay positive and strong, I could vent out of it in a good way.
No matter how people try to crush you, if you decide not to let them in on you, they can’t even touch your hair! Seriously! Just think of them like a rubber ball and make yourself a hard wall. So when they hit you, it will bounce right back at them!!
Changing my attitude towards life improved me a lot. I became a happier person. I stopped caring about what people thought of me and learned to be myself. And I couldn’t believe this, but the way people behaved to me also changed. They could see I am not the one to be played with so they kept their dirty tricks to themselves. You see, if you give respect to yourself, others will respect you too.
One more tip I would give you from my experience is to turn to God next time you feel your life is worthless. Stop sharing your problems with everyone you see. Most of them are not interested as they have got their own problems to deal with and much more would be interested to see you go down. Behind your back the latter people would just go have a laugh about your problems with others. If you must share, do it with only those you completely trust that they would help you (that is if you are looking for help, not just to backbite!).
If there are any atheist out there, I don’t mean to offend or argue with you. This is my experience and view I am talking about. You can take it or leave it! No matter what religion you are, turning to God and just pouring out everything to Him has tremendously helped me. You must have already read how much meditation helps with stress. This is a kind of meditation. Just sit quietly somewhere and ponder over your problems in your head. Pray to God every time that He supports you and gives you the strength to face them well.
This will give you two benefits, it will not only help you solve your problems but also help you to stay away from talking bad about others. I have (and am sure many of you will have) heard people talking bad about their egoistic husbands, complaining wives, unsupportive parents, interfering in-laws, back stabbing friends and worthless children. It is back biting in a way and also will not help solve your problems. But when I have had such problems or anything, praying has helped me so much. Either the problem would go away itself or I would find a solution easily or I would get out of it smoothly!!
Now why am I talking about all this?
Before I thought I was the only negative person trying to improve myself. But off late I have got to know some friends who are constantly wailing about how miserable their life is. So much negativity stuffed in them and they don’t even want to improve it! No matter what solutions you suggest them, nothing would cheer them up. In the end I would feel drained!! I would myself start thinking ‘Is life so meaningless?’!! But NO!! Life is not meaningless. It is a gift God has given you. If you can’t handle it well, no use blaming the gift!
I wouldn’t say they don’t have problems to be sad about, but I would have completely supported them if wailing and complaining was the only solutions they had to look forward to. But their problems were not so big that they can’t solve them. It was just a matter of letting go of your ego. If you are only interested in changing others and not yourself first, things will really not workout. Most of the time, the problems lies between ourselves. I know it is easier to complain than actually solve the problem. It does take effort and hard work to put your mind towards a positive outlook. But if you put your mind into it, it is possible!!
Now let me give you a situation to ponder on. This was narrated to us like a story by one of my favorite teachers in school, Mrs. Usha Jayaprakash. This piece of advice has stayed with me until now and will continue to do so. It has helped me in a lot of situations.
“Imagine you are getting ready for school (we were in school then and she gave us this example to help us understand better). You are having a major exam that day and have been preparing for it the whole night. Unfortunately you get up late and miss your bus. Your mom promises to drop you off and now you are getting ready as fast as possible. Just then your mom calls you to come down and have breakfast. You get your hair done hurriedly and rush downstairs. There you see your small sister having her breakfast. She is already in her uniform and your mom is busy with her hair. You start eating fast but in heart you are totally worried if you would get enough time to complete your exam. Just then your sister reaches for a glass of milk but her fingers slip. Splash!! The milk comes spilling all over your uniform!!
What would you do???
You see your sister on the verge of tears muttering ‘sorry’ but you just can’t control your anger and gives her one hard spank! She starts crying and you are totally frustrated. You look over to your mom for help but she gets busy consoling your sister. In a fit you run upstairs, find another uniform fresh out from laundry, iron it up furiously, change and rush down. You see your mom furious but she comes along quietly to drop you and sister off at school, somehow convinces your Headmaster to allow you to take your exam and leaves. Finally by the time you reach the exam hall, you are 45 minutes late but Headmaster only allows you 15 minutes of extra time.
You are not able to complete your paper. You are totally in a foul mood and you can’t stop blaming your sister for spoiling your day. But really, was it completely your sister’s fault? Couldn’t you have made this day better? Well, let me explain….
Let’s go back to where your sister spills the milk and looks up at you crying and muttering sorry. You are furious but control it and say ‘its ok, don’t cry. Finish your breakfast.’ You look at your mother who tells there is extra uniform just washed. Your mom helps you with ironing while you get dressed. She takes you both to school and you are only 15-20 minutes late. Your mom and sister leave wishing you all the best and you are able to complete your exam well with the granted extra time. By the time you are home you are a happy person again. Your mom has prepared your favorite meal for being so good and you see your little sister has made you a ‘sorry’ card. The rest of the day you get busy to cheer her up.”
So I don’t think you need more explanation on how your reaction to problems can change everything. This situation comes in our life in various forms but in the end your one reaction can make or spoil your day as well as others.